Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Motivation? What motivation?

I have ZERO motivation to workout lately.
(oh and p.s. the shredding stopped because 1)the dvd kept skipping and messing up and 2) I couldn't get into doing the same thing every single day)

I feel sooo lazy and horrible about it, but I literally just want the flab and extra pounds to magically come off without working for it! That's awful! I used to LOVE working out and going to the gym...now, not so much! I'm sure once I get back into it, I'll find that love again...maybe. But for now, it's a STRUGGLE to get there.

Tonight, I'm going to the grocery store to pick up some quality junk magazines with lots of useless knowledge about the lives of celebrities that I don't even know personally to help distract me while I work out at the gym.

Ok....here I go....to the gym....to workout.

...ok, still here.

Will someone just build me an in-home gym please?! It would save me a lot of time and money...and pounds!

K, thanks!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

My Lifelong Struggle with Acne

So it's not something I enjoy talking about, because it's always been such an embarrassment, but I feel like venting and that's what this blog is for, so here goes...

Since I was 14, I have always struggled with acne. In addition to that, I have very sensitive skin that dries out easily, which makes it even harder to treat my skin.

So in highschool I tried every single wash, cream, lotion, mask, etc. that was out there. Nothing worked. Some even dried my skin out so bad that my face turned bright red, throbbed, and itched for hours until taking benadryl to stop the reaction. My acne got worse and worse, and especially around my time of the month. It was awful! I have always had a love for makeup, but not when I have to wear for cover up. I would rather just wear it for fun. But I just didn't have a choice. I would carry around concealer with me everywhere and constantly go to the bathroom to check how my face looked. I hated it!

Well fast forward to now, and it still sucks!

Two years ago I started on a strong antibiotic called Solodyn. Well it did nothing other than give me chronic yeast infections. So my dermatologist recommend that I go on Accutane. Well to go on this medicine, you have to join the "I Pledge" Program where I basically sign and agree that I will do everything I can to not get pregnant while taking this medicine, because apparently it causes some serious birth defects in babies and I guess they got sued for it at one point.

Well in addition to signing all these contracts, I also had to get pregnancy tests and blood work done a month before starting the medicine and then also once a month every month while on it. It was awful!! I HATE needles and seeing blood being taken out of me makes me want to throw up. So doing it once a month was miserable! That wasn't even the worst part...the side effects. OH MY GOD the side effects!!

*Dry Skin...so dry that if I just slightly scratched at my cheek, my skin would literally flake off into my hand

*Acne got worse, before it gets better. The first month of the medicine was awful! I had acne ALL over my face, and it was more severe than ever before. It was sooo embarrassing and miserable. I wanted to hide away from everyone until it healed.

*Nose bleed....my nose would bleed constantly and then dry up all at the same time, because I was just soo dry everywhere, inside and out. It was so disgusting and uncomfortable.

*My fingernails constantly peeled and broke because they were so weak.

*Fatigue and Moodiness....I can't prove it was the medicine, but I have a feeling it had something to do with it. Many say that depression is a side effect as well, but I didn't have much of that.

*My lips were the worst I have ever seen them...drying, burning, cracking, bleeding constantly. The only thing that made them slightly less uncomfortable was "Dr. Dan's Cortizone Lip Balm."

*Dry Eyes

*Body and Muscle Aches all over

*Going to the bathroom (#2) -- Painful, bloody, miserable!

(Warning: Possible T.M.I.)

The last symptom I just listed was by far, the worst. I went to several doctors about it and tried several different medicines, as well as some embarrassing medical treatments that I won't mention here. Nothing worked. Well, it got worse and worse. It got to the point where when I was digesting even before going to the bathroom, it felt like glass was moving through my body. It was soooo excruciatingly painful. It made me literally want to stop eating and consuming anything at all. I finally went to my regular doctor again and she gave me some medicines and ideas to help me out and sent me home.

The next morning at 7am she called me personally to tell me to stop taking Accutane immediately because she did some research and apparently it's linked to causing Crohn's Disease and Colitis, among other serious colon diseases and complications. I was SO upset about this, because I was on month 3 of the medicine and only had 2 months to go! And now, I had to stop.

She also told me to go see a gastroendocronologist and get everything checked out. No surprise to me, I had to get a colonoscopy. I had to take 24 pills within an hour the night before the procedure and then 12 more pills an hour before the procedure the next morning at 5am. I spent literally 6 hours going back and forth from the bathroom. It was awful! I went in for the procedure, had a mini-anxiety attack because I hate needles and they stuck one in me and left it there with an IV bag...which grossed me out. I woke up after and it was fine. They didn't find anything, thank god, but needless to say I was told that it wouldn't be a good idea to continue Accutane. I was PISSED! Accutane had finally just started to work for me, and then I had all these complications and had to stop. SON OF A *****!

OH yeah, and because I had been for this visit along with the fact that my mother's side of the family has some history with colon cancer, I have to get a colonoscopy every five years!! I'm only 25! Had I not come in then, I wouldn't have to had started until I was 40! To say the least, I was not happy about this!

Well the first month after stopping Accutane, I was fine. With the exception of maybe a spot here or there, my skin was clear for the first time ever!

Well nowadays, my acne is not like it was before accutane, but still occurring all the time! It's soooo irritating that I went through all of that trouble for nothing! I went to my dermatologist a couple weeks ago and he gave me 2 different topical medicines to use, and big surprise....it's not working.

I am soooo close to just paying an arm and a leg and getting those laser and light treatments for acne. I am SO done with this and it literally makes me want to never look in a mirror ever again whenever I see ANOTHER freakin pimple or blackhead pop up EVERY morning.


Ok, so that's my venting.

And P.S., in case any of you are considering Accutane, DON'T!

(Have you SEEN all those crazy commercials?? (http://www.accutanelawyers.com/, http://www.the-accutane-lawyer.com/, http://accutaneattorneys.net/, http://www.accutane-lawsuit-lawyer.com/)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Pumpkin Dip-Edited

I edited the measurements...I had a few mistakes the last time. Fixed!

Pumpkin Dip

1 can of pumpkin-about 15 oz
1 8 oz. box of cream cheese (I used 2 to make it super smooth)
1 cup of powdered sugar
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix together cream cheese and sugar.
Add everything else and mix.
Refrigerate for a few hours.

Serve with soft gingerbread cookies, apples, or graham crackers.

It's DELICIOUS! So beware, you may never stop once you start eating it!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Turkey Day is almost here!!

Great food, awesome family, and no school! I can't wait!

Friday, November 19, 2010

From Last Weekend

I wrote this blog last weekend in Word and just forgot to put it online...

Friday, November 12, 2010

I’m in Virginia Beach. I got here last night around 1:00am. I jammed out to loud music the whole way down, which made the ride go faster.

Before I left for Virginia, I had an appointment with my therapist. I had seen another therapist a couple months ago and really didn’t feel good about her. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to her and really felt that we weren’t getting anywhere. Then I found out about how my school system offers 3 free therapy sessions to all employees. The only catch is that they choose the therapist. But that’s fine with me, considering it’s all free. What could it hurt, right?

Well it turns out that they pick AWESOME therapists because my new doctor is fantastic! He listens to me and involves me in the conversation, as opposed to just listening to me and then diagnosing. He has given me several coping strategies to take with me after every session, and is not judgmental at all, which I appreciate considering my last therapist seemed to judge a lot.

My session last night was my last free session and I have decided to continue seeing him, since I enjoy going to him so much. Thankfully, my insurance is great and my co-pay is only $!5 which isn’t bad. I don’t feel that my anxiety is that bad right now, and I feel more equipped for when it is, especially with the strategies that we have talked about. So because of that, I’ve decided to only see him once a month to kind-of check in to see how I’m doing. He agreed that that was a good idea. My bank account is ok with that as well. Even though it’s only $15 a session, going once a week would end up being pretty expensive in the long-run. So I’m happy about it.
Although this is the most stressful time of year for me, there’s still a lot to look forward to:

11/17 Harry Potter Movie!!!!!! Wooooooo!!!
11/21 Bridesmaid Dress Shopping with Jen
11/24 No School – Getting ready for Thanksgiving
11/25 Thanksgiving
11/27 My Tattoo
12/4 Kinsley turns 1!
12/11 Dan’s Birthday
12/25 Christmas – My favorite holiday of the year!

I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend and hope to get lots of sleep, have some good food, and have some quality time with Dan.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Can Fingers Grow??

So I have ALWAYS been a size 4 for rings! (Well the fingers I usually wear rings on anyways...I think my middle fingers and thumbs are more like a 5 or a 6). And I have this claddagh ring that I LOVE and that is supposedly size 4. Well I wore it a few days ago and it fit fine...I wore it to bed and the next day it was super tight and wouldn't come off!! I'm not usually one to have fingers that swell and find it very odd!!

I have been measured at a jeweler pretty recently and they said size 4 too! So does this mean I'm actually size 4 and a quarter or something? Or that my fingers just started swelling? It freaks me out!

Do your fingers swell like that? Or have they before?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Back in the Swing of Things

*Ha! Get it? SWING of things?
**Will this what Maryland will look like in a few weeks? Lord, I hope not!! I am NOT a fan of snow anymore! Not after last Winter!

Gram's service as well as other things that have been going on the past few days have kept me away from my shredding. However, I picked it back up tonight! I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed soooo bad but I pulled myself together and worked out anyways! Woo! I also finished my report card grades and comments by 9:15pm which is fantastic! So I'm feeling pretty good right now. :)

I've also been eating pretty well lately, and haven't eaten fast food in a long time. I've been pretty good about going to bed on time too. Speaking of which, it's that time.

Peace Out!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Newer Hair

So the pictures I had posted of my hair with the red highlights looked WAAAYY better than in real life...in reality up close they looked red-red! AND after one wash, it was pink!

I called the salon and they graciously fixed it free of charge! :) They gave me a color all over that's a slight bit darker than what I had, and left my blonde highlights alone so that they could pop out a bit. As for the former red? Now it's brown with a red tint! Woo! Just what I wanted in the first place! Hallelujah!

Take a look:


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Gotta keep on keepin' on...

So I found out that my grandmother passed two nights ago. This shouldn't have come as a huge shock, she's been battling with an umpteen amount of medical complications and problems for the past two years. I guess I've just been hoping and praying every day that she would at some point be on the mend back to recovery. I'm happy that she's at peace and no longer suffering, however I will really miss her. I feel awful for grandpa as well, because she was his rock. Hopefully we can convince him to move closer to us soon so that we can spend more time with him as we works through this tough time. Her service is this Friday and I'm thankful that school has bereavement leave that I can use for that day.

I'm trying my best to think positively and to just keep on going, but it's tough. Much to my surprise, I mustered enough strength to a second day of Shredding, despite my sore muscles from last night. I also ate pretty well today which I'm happy about. I have plans for a healthy-food filled tomorrow as well.

Good night all. If you're someone who prays, please keep my Gram and our family in your prayers. We will need it.

Miss you Gramma

I'm just full of love today...for etsy!

Check out these cute prints from "The Big Harumph" etsy shop.

LOVE it!

Ha, I also love this one:

Day 1: Shred

Day 1: (Level 1)

I shredded at 11:30pm tonight. I have no school tomorrow, which is why it's so late (because I can).

I'm a sweaty mess and I must say, I can see how this workout can give results. It's hard! I like it though. She switches it up every couple minutes which keeps it interesting.

I took my measurements yesterday and my before pictures tonight. I would rather wait to see if I have results and after pictures to put next to them, before posting them...ugh! Not cute.

We shall see how I do by the end of this week.

So far, my diet hasn't changed much. I didn't eat very well today, but I plan on going grocery shopping tomorrow afternoon to get lots of fresh produce, and healthy snack items (like carrots and hummus or almonds, yum!).

I really hope I just see soooooome kind of result. I know that that's all I need to keep motivated. I'm hoping I will!


Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm in love....with this Etsy Shop!

Check out these awesome prints from one of my new favorite etsy shops, Volume 25!

Don't you love it?? :)