I'm being good!

On average, I'm working out at least 3-4 times a week! I have been bringing a bag with gym clothes with me to work every day and just going after work. It's been great! Then I come home, shower and get ready for the next day, relax and go to bed feeling productive.

I haven't been as great about changing my diet drastically. I don't think it needed a huge overall anyways. I have been good about not getting fast food though, which saves me some pounds and cash. I try to use the food that I already have here instead.

I really like the routine I'm in now, so I really hope I can keep with it and hopefully see a change in my body soon. My cruise is in 50 some days and it'd be great to feel good in a bathing suit for it!

I'm off to bed, good night!

Are you...

...the type of person to tell someone if they have spinach in their teeth, mascara on their eye, or crumbs on their mouth?

...or the type to just let it go even though you totally noticed it?

I am most definitely the first type, because if I had any of that going on, I would want to know A.S.A.P.! I went all day yesterday with mascara at the top of my eyelid and no one told me! Ugh!

*teethpic*

Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day

I love the idea of spending quality time together, and doing little special things to show that you care...

but shouldn't everyone be doing that all year round? Why just one day a year?

I believe that V-Day is a Hallmark Holiday and it's silly that people make such a big deal.

Luckily my love tells me all those sweet things all the time, and not just via a greeting card. I get the goosebumps and tingles from things that we do for each other all the time, and not just on the holidays. (yea yea, I can hear you gagging over there, R, B and D).

I'm going to VA beach this upcoming weekend (not because it's the weekend after v-day although that's fine either way). I'm happy that because of conferences and President's Day, I actually have a 4 day weekend! Woo! That makes it even MORE exciting because it means I won't be driving 4 1/2 hours for just a weekend (which is technically a day and a half without the driving).

I've been missing Dan a lot lately, and I think a long weekend together is just what I need.

<3

In the meantime, I hope everyone has fun doing what they do, whether it's for V-Day or not, or if it's just for the heck of it!

P.S. I love re-discovering this picture every time I think of Valentine's Day.

HA!

Professional Worrier

*worry

Well, I thought that I had pushed my anxiety days away for a good while...

I was wrong.

Let's just say, that in some respects, my anxiety is better in the sense that I have a better understanding about it, I know of more ways to deal with it, and I'm openly aware that I have it.

In other ways, I feel like I'm back at square one.

I don't have as many night anxiety fits anymore like I used to. I have more of the daily worrying thoughts through my head about absolutely everything. What someone is thinking about what I just said, did, or what I look like at that moment; what I need to do and why I haven't done it yet; what I need to do tomorrow after I cross off what I just did today; if anyone cares about what I'm talking about or if I should just shut-up and listen; do I really have confidence at all or am I just faking it?; am I really a good teacher? a good friend? a good girlfriend? Do I think too much? Do I worry too much?

Yes. Yes, I do.

I just wish I could find the on/off switch. Or maybe even a dimmer. Please just tone it down for a minute, brain. Please.

One minute I feel fine and don't even think about worrying or anxiety or any of it. The next, for whatever reason or because of whatever trigger, I am in worry city and I can't find my way out.

By the way, my therapist was supposed to call me in January after he changed offices and insurance companies. It's February 12th, and I have yet to hear from him. Rude. And bad timing.

I feel like some days are 96% happy and worry free...No. Not worry free, because I don't even know if the non-professional-worriers such as myself are completely worry free. Ok so some days are 96% happy and less worry-filled. Other days are 70% worrying and 30% happy. What gets to me is that my brain always finds something to worry about. I preach and talk about staying positive, and yet I can't allow myself to. What the hell is that about? I think positively about things that I can control, and not so positively about things that I can't. I guess it's that simple. And that...ugh, it just sounds so pathetic. I'm a control freak. Not a thought I enjoy having.

I'm just over it.

I've been trying to be more honest lately, for better or worse and to take more chances. I can't even wholeheartedly do that. As I speak a sentence, send a text, or write an email that has even the most minute* tone of brutal honesty, I am already thinking ahead about a response sentence/text/email/whatever that takes it back or apologizes for it.

I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of thinking about how I think. And I'm tired of complaining. I feel like I still keep so much in, and I want to let it all out but what's already in there is keeping me from getting it out. Not sure if that made sense, but I don't want to go back and read that to check it.

This is a weird time to end this post, but I am just so tired and I don't know what else to type or think...Thank goodness.

Goodnight.**

*I hate that minute and minute (are you saying it in your head the two different ways yet?) are spelled the same. Homographs are stupid and the people that made them part of the English language did it just to be a*holes. Yep, I said it. How the heck am I supposed to teach phonics to students who can't read, when minute and minute are pronounced in two different ways and have two different meanings?!

**I think goodnight should be two separate words. Good night. It is when you say, "Have a good night" right? So why not when you shorten it? I think technically it is, but society/the Internet is ok with it being together.

Feeling Good

*Me, age 3ish, Being Silly


So I have been working out a fair amount lately, which I'm excited about. I can feel myself getting back into it. I haven't lost any weight yet, but I did fit a tiny bit better into some work pants this morning which was exciting. I HATE that tight against my waist feeling with pants that are not fitting well. I didn't have it this morning, which was a great way to start off my day! Speaking of which, it's time reality set in. I still have jeans and pants in my closet that are from a looooooooong time ago that don't fit. I know that I'm working out and trying to eat better and all, but will I lose a ton of weight right away? Nope. And in the meantime, I hate fishing through all the pants I can't really wear to find the ones that fit/the ones that sorta fit and I can deal with for today. So after I finish typing this, I'm trying them all one, and getting rid of the ones that I have no hope for, unless I plan on fasting for the next couple weeks. I will make a few exceptions for the pants that mostly fit, but are just a tad tight. But the ones that I can't get past my hips to then try and lie on the floor to zip up....GONE!

Also something I'm trying...going straight to the gym from work. I make my workout bag the night before, and I have so much more motivation then! I also want to make a spare bag to just keep in my car all the time, so that I literally have no excuse when I'm out and about.

Ok, side note, holy crap! How the heck did I not realize just how good I had it in highschool? I know that seems out of left field, but I was just going through my "Me" pictures folder (yea, yea....I have a me folder that I use for profile pics, etc.) to find a picture for the beginning of this post, and found a ton of super skinny pictures. Ugh! I never thought I'd be a girl to later say I wish I had my highschool body, but DAMN! I kinda do....Ok no I don't. Not entirely. I love my curves, my girls, and my bum...but I do miss the overall fit-ness that I had!

Exhibit A: Um, can we say stick figure! Not fair!
Exhibit B, and so forth....

In this one I'm skinny AND I have a bum! I knew it was there!

Not the best group shot, I guess we weren't ready girls**? But goodness! I remember when my mid-drift was out a lot in highschool and it didn't matter at all to me. And by the way, do you like our homemade shirts? HOTT!

This picture below was actually taken (by me obviously, ha) in the beginning of college. Man I look healthy here! Not too skinny, and not too curvy. Although my girls are waaaay different now! I totally just made you look at my boobs there, didn't I? ha! :)

This has always been my favorite abs picture! This was the day of my highschool graduation. Look I have ab lines! Man I miss those! And skinny arms!

Ok, I'm done. Going to go workout now! Motivation at its best!

*If this is any indication, just in case you were wondering, I just know I'm going to have cute kids! Look how gosh darn cute I am!

**DW and B-Hope you loved that little throwback! Ha! What an awful picture of us!

Pesto Chicken Sandwiches

This is a really yummy and easy recipe that I've made several times. Enjoy!

Pesto Chicken Sandwiches

2 tbs. Olive Oil
3 tbs. Fresh Grated Parm. Cheese
1 lb. Boneless Skinless Chx Breasts, cut up in slices
Salt and ground black pepper
2 medium red bell peppers, cut into strips
2/3 cup spoonable salad dressing (I like to use creamy Italian)
1/3 cup prepared basil pesto
¼ tsp. Pantry lemon pepper seasoning mix
2 cups fresh spinach leaves, washed and stemmed
Kaiser Sandwich Rolls

1. Saute chicken strips in skillet on the stove with Olive Oil – Medium Heat. Add salt and pepper to chicken as it’s cooking. Stir and flip pieces often until tender and no longer pink.
2. Saute red bell pepper strips in separate skillet until tender.
3. Combine salad dressing, pesto, and seasoning mix in medium sized bowl.
4. Toast Rolls.
5. Spoon some dressing on one half of the roll and add a few spinach leaves on top of the dressing.
6. Place a few pieces of cooked chicken and sautéed peppers on the other side of the roll. Add a sprinkle of parmesan cheese to the sandwich. Combine both halves to make the full sandwich.
7. Serve with a side dish such as fresh fruit or steamed veggies.

Enjoy!

WEIRD

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. It was set in current time, and Dan and I were not married in the dream. Either way, in the dream we were both soooooo excited about it couldn't stop talking about it.

...I woke up this morning with my hand on my stomach!

AHHHH

Don't worry all, I'm not pregnant in real life. Only in my dreams apparently. I guess children are on my mind more than I thought they were.

Still, creepy that my hand was on my tummy when I woke up!